I'm glad you found the one you're willing to wait for.

So good luck to you & I hope we will still be friends.

Maybe not now, but some day, when you're ready.

You'll always be special and I will always smile at you differently.

& now I know that that's all I've ever meant to you.

I've always been the only one for now and nothing more.

I know you won't remember anything I've done for you and I don't expect you to.

You'll be better off without me anyway.

I'll never ask you for anything.

If it's what you want, I'll go away and stay away.

My time, love and company will never be enough.

For what it's worth, I will remember you.

Today, we had talks after talks in school and what really stuck in my head was how 'the education system is modeled after factories'. How's the world supposed to move forward with the 'production' of homogenous people (especially when what we're learning in school may be outdated in a few years)? Do the people who make it big really use the so called knowledge they gained in school?

Flipping through the pages of Teen Vogue, I spotted pictures of Dakota & Elle Fanning in Valentino and Valentino Couture. Kids out there who are talented, plain lucky, or just happen to have rich ass parents are earning a hell lot of money doing something they love. & here we are studying things that don't exactly matter to us. Honestly, how many of us out there care about stuff like upthrust or differentiation or ionic equilibria? Imagine you see this dude who gets a balloon, weighs it, calculates the weight of air displaced..... just to find the acceleration of the balloon (which is probably wrong given all the resistive forces). The thought amuses me.

I've always wondered why some people link happiness with the number of digits on one's paycheck. The people who marry for money, for example. I am sure that money will not be able to satisfy them for long. You could have a collection of shoes, bags, gowns, but how can one compare that to true love? Not everybody will agree with me, but I, for one, believe in true love and that nothing is worth more than anything else. I don't get how people can give that up for something as trivial as money. Then again, worth is subjective & I'm not going to judge 'cause people always yearn for what they don't have.

Point is, I don't see why we should study so hard just to get a job everybody wants (mostly because of the pay) I'm not saying that taking a non standard path is any easier, in fact, it's harder. There are no fixed rules or answers, like how personal taste in clothing is subjective. What's life without a little risk? Why take the path everybody else is taking just because everybody's working towards it? Although I've said all this, I'll probably end up doing something mainstream in the future but in my dream world, I could be a Features/Fashion Editor at a fashion magazine or a freelance percussionist.

Okay, now for something random. I find the entertainment industry pretty ridiculous these days. You can be famous over night singing ridiculous songs with meaningless lyrics with the use of Auto-Tune. I don't really know if people listen to these songs because they like the song or because the artists are so damn amusing. I don't really see the appeal in earning a couple grand while getting mocked and slammed by people all over the world (even though the experience does seem kinda fun). I don't know how the company sells these young artists, it's not as if they're drop dead gorgeous or have an amazing voice. But all this drama is what maintains entertainment as a thriving industry.

Back to the topic, I've always wanted to try working at a fashion magazine, though it's impossible for somebody like me. Oh well, I can continue dreaming & nobody can say anything about it :)

I can't say that I'm okay, but I will be.

Stuff happened & I think I'm finding joy in my life.

All this time I've been thinking of nothing more than how I feel and how I should make my life better.

Well, recently, I've become a happier person and I owe it to all my wonderful friends out there.

(you know who y'all are!)

Being there for people & enjoying each other's company feels so much better than locking people out and maintaining that facade of happiness.

I enjoy being around people.

Especially people I'm close to.

I stopped thinking about all the shit that's been happening to me because life just enjoys pooping on people and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

I've been having the time of my life!

Studying out, going out, doing stuff with my favourite people.

Just a while back, I sold stuff at a flea to raise funds for WWF.

To tell you the truth, I was kinda worried nobody would come & we would be bored to death.

But thanks to Celeste, I enjoyed every second of it!

We donated $120 to WWF and I must say that it felt amazing!

(I've never donated more than $20 to a charity at one shot so it's kinda a big thing for me!)

Been going out to study quite a bit recently.

Starbucks at CityLink is one of my fave places.

It calms me down & makes me feel happier.

Oh & besides that, I'm really productive there!

I could stay there and study for hours & hours and still feel energetic.

I think I've gotten over my emotional phase as well.

I no longer have to pretend to be happy because most of the time, I am truly happy on the outside & the inside.

I've never felt this good in a long while.

These days,

I smile when people ask about you

I laugh when I talk about you

& everything about you just brings joy to my life.

I've heard of Adele before on Ugly Betty.

But I never knew her voice was this beautiful.
Thanks to a friend for telling me how nice her songs are!

Been studying a fair bit these days.

To the point where people tell me :

'YOU HAVE NO LIFE!'

Yes I may have no life to a lot of people,

but if channeling my emotions into work helps,

I don't mind doing it.

It wipes my brain clean of everything else,

& I suppose that's really good.

My phone has a mind of it's own.

I just got a new one and I have no emails before April 13th besides one.

One that was sent via twitter on 8th December.

A really special message.

It made me smile though I know those words will never be said to me from you again.

& for this, I love my phone very much.

Thank you for making my day!

On a lighter note,

I think I'll get a Gold for NAPFA this year since my Sit & Reach was pretty good!

I can't wait to see my juniors perform for SYF next wednesday.

I love them so much & no matter what the outcome is,

I will be so proud of them.

They put a lot of effort into this

& I believe that they will be rewarded for their hard work.

Whenever I'm upset,

I think of you first.

Before I convince myself how stupid I am for doing that.

& Dear Phone,

Don't stop surprising me with beautiful memories.